What. A. Week.

On the schedule this week - six full days of single mom-ing it while the hubs was in Boston for work.  To say I was nervous was an understatement.  More like terrified.  Caring for two under two--a 22-month and 1-month old--alone 24/7, while breastfeeding and pumping every couple of hours, seemed horribly intimidating.  On top of that, my biggest fears included illnesses, injuries, spiders, ticks, tornadoes, and flat tires.  I'm terrified of spiders and tornadoes anyway, had a tick on my leg (pulled off by the hubs) last week, and have dealt with illnesses, injuries, and flat tires other times the hubs has gone out of town.  (Which, let me just say, is like three times per year.)  Luckily, Brantley is still going to daycare during the days and I figured that'd be my saving grace.

Sunday was day one, and by Sunday evening, my confidence level was pretty high.  Not only did I bathe both boys, get them ready, shower and get myself ready (including hair and makeup!), pump, and make sure everyone was well-fed by 11am, I lugged both kiddos to a baby shower and two graduation parties!  And remembered diapers, bottles, formula, sippy cups, etc. in order to keep everyone happy!  Whew!  I was feeling like quite the super mom.  Sure, Brantley may have watched a few more Mickey Mouse Clubhouses than usual, but I did what I had to do!



Monday was low-key.  I really don't remember much from Monday except Brantley asking "Where Daddy go?" about 189 times.  "He's at work, in Boston," I would answer.  Every.single.time.  Oh yeah, Holden also slept from 10:45 until 5:45 Monday night.  Seven solid hours!  I can totally do this single mom thing, I thought!

Tuesday.  12:30.  I had just finished my lunch, was breastfeeding Holden, and was then going to take a nap when I got a picture text from daycare with words that read, "Apparently Brantley doesn't feel well."


I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or think it was a joke.  Because nothing ever goes smoothly when Craig is gone.  I headed out to get him and took him straight to our pediatrician's office.  She said his throat was red and prescribed an antibiotic.  

After laying around and napping all afternoon/evening, I thought maybe he was hungry.  I gave him some blueberries and blackberries.  (His favorites--I knew he'd eat them.)  Big mistake.  Big, big mistake.  Shortly thereafter, he started throwing up.  In case you were wondering, blueish-purple puke is not fun to clean out of carpet.  Especially when the kid whose mouth it came from is unsure of what's going on, scared, and just wants to be held.  And the other kid is crying in hunger and needs a boob.


Brantley threw up about six different times, in about six different locations in our house.  And only once was it on the hard (read: easily cleanable) kitchen floor.  I had already changed his bed sheet once and feared having to change it again (we only have two crib sheets for his room) so I made a nice "bed" for him on the bathroom floor.  And that's where he slept until 3am.


Wednesday.  Not any better.  At one point, our thermometer read a temp of 106.  The lowest I ever saw it go was 101.  I chatted with our pediatrician's office again and our doctor prescribed Zofran for his nausea.  The hope was that it would help keep the liquids and pain relievers down, and hence, his fever down.  As suggested by my pharmacist friend (and go-to doctor), I also got some Tylenol suppositories.  Let me just say this - you haven't really experienced all aspects of motherhood until you're puked on and have to stick something up your child's rear end.  Not fun, my friends, not fun.

Meanwhile, I was terrified Brantley was going to pass his illness onto Holden.  I sprayed Lysol like it was my job, obsessively washed my hands, and freaked out every time Brantley got anywhere near Holden.

Me trying to breastfeed with a sick kid

Thursday.  His morning fever of 101 broke after a round of ibuprofen.  He acted somewhat normal all morning, though watched the same five episodes of Elmo and Mickey Mouse on the iPad about 11 times each.  After a four hour afternoon nap (yes, four hours--I knew he was sick again when he slept that long), his fever was back to 104ish.  More Tylenol suppositories and ibuprofen.  And he was extremely fussy, whiny, and needy.  He was, however, sucking down pouches of applesauce and eating some saltines, which were good signs in my tired eyes! 

By that point, he'd taken a few doses of antibiotic (without it coming back up), though I had to pin him down and force it into his mouth, which broke my heart.  He's usually good at taking meds, but I think he threw up so many times within that first 24 hours, he was scared of doing the same.  I don't blame him...



Thursday night.  Brantley cried (more like hyperventilated) for an hour and a half after I put him to bed.  I went back into his room three times to comfort him, but he wasn't having any of it.  Daddy even tried via Facetime.  Meanwhile, Holden was screaming in the living room because it was past time to be fed.  I seriously thought I was going to lose it.

Today.  Friday.  THE DAY THE HUBBY GETS HOME.  Thank goodness, amen!  Brantley woke up without a fever.  Well, it was 99, but after having a fever of 105, I consider 99 to be nothing.  He's been playing all morning and is now napping.  I'm hopeful in saying I think the worst is behind us.

Me trying to pump with a sick kid

I'm closing in on my last eight hours of being a single parent.  I'm so ready for some help.  Someone else to wash bottles, someone else to take over the 10pm feeding, someone else to help hold the babies, someone else to keep me sane.

There have been lots of tears shed this week.  And not just from the two kiddos.  But, I'm happy to report that I survived.  And boy, do I feel good about that.  I kept a clean house.  Kept the bottles washed and sterilized.  Kept our dog well-fed.  Kept my tomato plants alive.  Kept my milk supply going.  Remembered to take out the trash and recycling carts.  Heck, I even killed a spider.  A larger-than-average spider, I might add.  (And I'm not just saying that, Mom!) 

The kids may have cried more than I liked, I may have perfected feeding Holden with a blanket-propped bottle, I may have fell short of the eight feedings per day quota, I may have brewed a cup of coffee without the cup underneath, I may have gotten more frustrated at times than I wished, and I may have complained more than I like*, but in Brantley's words, "I did it!"

*I'm usually not one to complain.  Especially when it comes to my kids.  I know some people would kill to simply have kids to take care of, sick or not.  So, I apologize if this offends anyone and for the negative Facebook and Instagram posts throughout the week.

Mother's Day Weekend

In case you were confused by "my" most recent post, it wasn't me.  My blog was highjacked.  By my sneaky husband.  On Saturday night.  After I went to bed.  As a Mother's Day surprise.  He's awesome like that.  One of the many reasons I love him.  And one of the highlights of my Mother's Day weekend. 



Other highlights:
  • Perfect weather and lots (and lots and lots) of time outside.
  • A Friday night walk to Spin Pizza and dinner on their patio.  And a glass of their delicious sangria!  It's been a long time waiting...

  • Friday night firepit with our neighbors.
  • Inflatable pool time for Brantley while I basked in the sun.

  • Sunday morning brunch at Granite City.  Totally worth the $21 price!
  • Grilling out on Sunday evening - steaks, sweet potatoes, Ceasar salad, watermelon, a Blue Moon, and Oreo pudding dessert.  Yum!

  • And a few awesome gifts - a giftcard for a pedi, a Mommy's necklace...even though I picked it out and purchased it myself, and a hand-painted flower pot from Brantley (and his daycare provider).  


It was a fantastic Mother's Day weekend - my first as a mommy of two.  I'm so thankful to hold the title of "mom", especially mom to these two cuties!



Happy Mother's Day - A Tribute...

First, this post is about you, not me. However, I'm pretty impressed with myself for figuring out how to do a blog post.

I love many things about our ability to see eye to eye on things. One of those things is our disdain for Hallmark Holidays. Valentines Day is for suckers. Heck, birthdays even come and go with little fan fare. However, I've always held Mother's Day with a little higher regard. I'm a lucky guy. I have a great Mother and I was fortunate enough to marry someone who has turned into a great Mother. For that, I'm very thankful.

As a tribute I wanted to post a few things that I'm extra thankful for:

- Self Confidence - Actually, I'm not sure if I would call it confidence. Maybe self-acceptance. I appreciate the fact that you lack envy. You're totally comfortable with who you are and you don't try to be anybody but yourself. The next time you display insecurities or jealousy in our relationship will be the first time. And for that I am so thankful. We get a kick out of a few people who post every time their husband, or co-worker, or random person comments on how great they look or how they can't believe they just had a baby, or how awesome they are for rocking the gym....blah blah blah. I'm so thankful that my kids will be raised by someone who keeps compliments private. Who is totally secure in her life. Who accepts people for who they are. Who is genuine. Your attitude is that there is nothing about us that is special... and that's what makes you special. It's what makes you a great Mom. And a great person.

- You love your children - When Brantley acts a fool and runs around banging into things, falling down laughing, fake laughing, whatever it is he does, I get almost as big of a kick out of you as I do out of him. Your smile is ear to ear. I've even seen you get tears in your eyes just because your son is showing signs of independence and orneriness. Your love is genuine. And that makes you a great Mom.

- You're a hard worker - My man parts don't lactate. Thankfully. I know how brutal it is to be the only one who can feed Holden. Listen, you love your sleep. I've never met anyone who loves sleep like you. Despite this, you're a champ. You get up in the middle of the night and you soldier through. It's a responsibility. You don't blink, you just do. And that makes you a great Mom.

- You don't suck at social media. Social Media is hard. People can post what they want. They open or close the window into their lives as they choose. Most people choose to only open that window and show the most positive things in their lives. It takes courage to show weakness and let your friends and family see struggles. You did a great job documenting Brantley's early issues. You don't hesitate to share frustrations about low milk supply. Every person we meet is battling something. It takes a brave person to show it. That makes you real. And it makes you a great Mom.

From the bottom of my heart I am thankful that I married a great person and I'm so thankful that that great person just so happens to be a great Mom. Brantley and Holden are lucky guys. And so am I.

Love you. Thanks for all you do.

Craig

 

Official Mom Status

Our neighborhood pool opens in less than two weeks.  And I just had a baby three weeks ago.  Point being, I'm not too keen on the idea of wearing a swimsuit.  A two-piece nonetheless.  So what did I do?  What any self-conscious, 31-year old mother of two would do - broke down and bought a one-piece.

They seem to be all the rage these days.  No?  Just me?  Andi wore one on The Bachelor, after all.    


And Target currently has an abundance to choose from.  So, see?  Seems to be the most recent trend and I'm happy to jump on board!  (The jury's still out on if this is a permanent thing, or if I'll transition back to a two-piece eventually...)

Being the indecisive person I am, I didn't buy just one.  I bought three.  Because I just couldn't decide for the life of me which one I liked best.  Can you really blame me to make such an important decision in a small dressing room with horrible lighting?  And now I'm contemplating buying a fourth online, just to see how it compares.

What do you think?  Which do you like best?  Which is still hip, yet sexy enough, for this trendy mom of two? 





Holden Beckett: 3 Weeks Old

Week 3 was a much better week all around!  The sun was back out, the temps were very summer-like, and you finally surpassed your birth weight!

We headed back to the doctor on Tuesday for an official weight check.  You had gained six ounces in five days--up to 7 pounds 5 ounces.  I was so relieved when I saw that scale!  At that point, your cold was pretty much gone, as well, and your doctor said she'd see us again at two months!

We cut back to eating 7 to 8 times per day.  Mainly because I was waking you for nearly every single feeding!  In my mommy opinion, if you're not showing signs of hunger, I'm not going to wake you every two hours to eat.  Of course, then I was slightly worried your weight would drop again, so I took you to the Mommy & Me Boutique today to be weighed.  Up six more ounces since Tuesday--7 pounds 11 ounces.  Definitely gives me piece of mind that fewer feedings at this point are okay.

Mommy Update - Doing well for the most part!  A little hard on myself for these extra pounds I'm carrying (mainly because my summer clothes don't fit right), but I keep reminding myself that I just had a baby three short weeks ago.  It took nine months to gain, I should give myself at least nine weeks to lose, right?  I've lost a few more pounds over the past couple of weeks, but I'm still up about 13 from my pre-Holden weight.  (Only up about 8 from my pre-Brantley weight.)  The weather's been gorgeous and I've been walking each morning, as well as sometimes in the evenings (with the whole fam) when time permits.  Pumping is getting better, too.  I pump after each feeding during the day (when I'm at home) and have been getting 2 to 3 ounces.

Food - Like I mentioned, we cut back to 7 or 8 feedings per day.  Still somewhat on a schedule (2am, 6am, 9am, 11:30am, 2pm, 4:30pm, 7:30pm, 10pm), somewhat on demand, somewhat when it's convenient.  Ten minutes of breast feeding on each side, followed by 1.5 to 2 ounces of formula (or pumped milk).  It seems to be working very well.  Daddy has taken over the 10pm feeding each night, which allows me to go to bed early and get about five solid hours of sleep!  It's pretty fantastic. 

Sleep - You're slowly becoming more and more alert during the days, but you still sleep a lot.  You've gotten restless around 2am the past two nights.  We only have one more week of waking you and I'm hoping this middle-of-the-night thing isn't a habit for you by then...*fingers crossed*

Size - 7 pounds 11 ounces.  Still in newborn clothes and newborn size diapers, though the diapers are becoming more snug.

Activity - Still like being held and patted on the back, swinging (sometimes), car/stroller rides, and sucking on your paci.  You also love sucking on your fingers and having your hands at your mouth.  During feedings, during sleep...and let me tell ya, you have some strong little arms on that little body of yours!


You gave me some big smiles during our photo shoot this week!  Cutest thing ever!





Brothers

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. -Marc Brown


Because Holden was born at 6:49pm, and Brantley was with our friends for the night, he didn't meet his little brother until the next day when my parents brought him to the hospital.  His first words upon entering the hospital room and seeing Baby Holden were "Ooooooh noooooo."  Funniest thing ever!  And he kept repeating that phrase, over and over and over.  However, he was quite curious and intrigued by this baby we'd been speaking of for nearly nine months!  He even tried to play catch with him.  Good thing the ball Grandma packed was a soft one! ;)





Since meeting his baby brother in the hospital, Brantley has been nothing but sweet to Holden.  He's not always the most gentle, but always has the best of intentions.  He gives lots of unprompted hugs and kisses, is quick to take him the pacifier when Holden begins to cry, rocks him in his car seat, pets his full head of hair, and checks on him often when left alone in his rock & play sleeper.  It's more than I could have ever asked for and it seriously melts my heart to see Brantley acting so sweetly towards his little brother.




I know there will be times when they hate each other.  And days upon days of fighting in our future.  But I also hope they grow up to be the best of friends.  Because after all, a sibling is perhaps the best gift a parent can give their child.


Here are a few of my favorite brother pictures so far.  Please excuse the quality--I get lazy and take the majority of our pictures on my iPhone these days...











Zoo First-Timers

Despite having an almost-two-year-old, we had never been to the Kansas City Zoo!  Saturday was Teacher Appreciation Day, which gave us the perfect excuse to go.  Now, let me just say this - Kansas City offers so many fun activities for things to do with kiddos.  The zoo...not one of my faves. :)  People had warned us to be very underwhelmed, so we didn't expect much.  Case in point, I think we had been there for nearly an hour and had only seen about two animals!  (To be fair, we walked to the back side of the zoo--as recommended by our neighbors--before looking at any exhibits.)  Seriously though, it's nice to have a zoo in the area.  But maybe only a once-per-year activity for the Sides fam.


Before going in, we had a little picnic in our car.  We're cheap and didn't want to have to buy expensive zoo food.  This is Brantley's "cheese" face.


The zoo was packed.  Since we'd never been there, I'm not sure if this is typical, or if we were all teachers taking advantage of the free admission?  It was hard to maneuver the stroller and we were often forced to walk in a single file line so it was hard to chat with the hubs.





Brantley couldn't have cared less about many of the animals.  (I've never been big on zoos either, kid!)  Not even the chimpanzees, which were probably the most impressive, in my opinion. 


I made him pose by the penguin before we left.  This may have been the most intrigued he was by anything that day.



Thanks for a semi-fun, spring-time activity, zoo!  We decided it was worth the price of admission (free), but not a whole lot more! :)

It Won't Be Like This for Long


Last week was rough.  Emotions were at an all-time high and I cried.  A lot.  I was tired.  And stressed.  I missed my older baby.  And I was way too hard on myself for things I couldn't control.  I definitely didn't feel like my normal, happy-go-lucky, optimistic self.  Not to mention, I think the hubs thought I had fallen off the deep end.  No joke.  Nonetheless, he came to my rescue and gave me six solid hours of sleep.  I kept Brantley home from daycare for two days and had a fantastic, summer-like Saturday and Sunday with him in between.  Just what the doctor ordered.

It's a new week and I'm finally feeling like myself again.  It helps knowing Holden is packing on the pounds ounces. :)  As of this morning, he was up to 7 pounds 5 ounces, which means he gained six ounces in five days.  Textbook perfect.  

Point being, these newborn days can be exhausting.  And challenging.  And beyond stressful.  And while I sometimes sit half-awake overnight while feeding the little man dreaming about the day when I'll once again get a full night's sleep, I am also incredibly thankful for the life I live.  I have two healthy and happy children that I love so, so much and a husband who constantly reminds me of the good job I'm doing.  Despite the laundry that's not folded.  And the dinner that isn't on our table.  And (gasp!) having to feed our baby expensive, store-bought formula.  So, so lucky and so, so grateful for it all.

And while I look forward to that day when we're past this overwhelming newborn stage (because let's be honest, it only gets better from here), I also appreciate the constant reminder to enjoy every moment.  To not wish away any stage, any day, or even any heartache, because as Darius Rucker reminds us, "It won't be like this for long."



He didnt have to wake up
He'd been up all nite
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It wont be like this for long

Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in there bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now dont you worry
This will only last a week or two

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll drop her off
And she wont even know your gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It wont be like this for long

One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times you'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the isle
And he'll raise her vale
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he dont mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long
It wont be like this for long


Holden Beckett: 2 Weeks Old

Week 2 was a rough one.  Lots of emotions and a bit of a hormonal roller coaster for this mama.  It all started on Sunday night when you developed some congestion and a horrible-sounding cough.  The symptoms continued through Monday, but your 2-week well baby check-up was scheduled for the following morning, so I thought a trip to urgent care could wait.  By Monday night, you were coughing so badly that I was doubting my decision not to take you in.  Which worried me big time.  I'm not sure either of us got any sleep on Monday night...you due to coughing, me due to worrying (and the annoying congestion sounds you made allllll night long).  Luckily, at your appointment on Tuesday, your oxygen levels were good and your lungs were clear.  You were also fever-free.  Yes, you had a cold, but the doctor said it was all in your upper respiratory track, rather than your chest.  (A good thing.)  She instructed us to use saline spray in your nose and give you Pedialyte after eating to loosen/thin the mucus in your throat, and hence, help your congested breathing.

Because this was also your 2-week well baby check-up, it meant an official weight check.  My intuition was that you were not gaining weight.  And I was right.  In fact, you had lost an ounce from the week prior.  An ounce is a pretty measly amount, but at that point, you should have been gaining an ounce per day, not losing.  The doc said it could be a) the result of your cold...no one eats as well when sick and unable to breath properly; or b) due to a low milk supply on my part.  I had mentally prepared myself for the latter after dealing with similar issues with Brantley, but I was also hopeful that breastfeeding would be different this time around.  So, of course, I became extremely upset and immediately started crying when I saw your weight (6 pounds 15 ounces) on the scale.  I felt guilty for not being able to provide you the nutrition you needed and frustrated that there's no apparent reason for my low milk supply.  I know formula-fed babies turn out as healthy and smart as breastfed babies (your dad, for example), but I hate knowing that we have to spend lots of unnecessary money on formula.  Again.  The doctor suggested pumping, which the mere thought of made me cry even harder.

That afternoon, I called the hospital's lactation consultant and got her advice.  She instructed me to breastfeed as normal, then pump for 15 minutes afterwards.  I did, and got nearly 2 ounces the first time.  I was feeling pretty encouraged, but each time after that, was lucky to get an ounce total from both sides. 

We went back to the doctor yesterday.  Mostly for a weight check, but she also wanted to check in on your cold.  Oxygen levels were near perfect and your lungs still sounded great.  However, you hadn't gained any weight.  (You also hadn't lost any and still weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces.)  Your doctor said that clearly you're getting milk from me, just not enough to pack on the pounds.  She suggested I continue to breastfeed and then top you off with 1-2 ounces of formula (or pumped breast milk).  In one sense, I was relieved to know you'd finally be getting enough food--one way or another--but still frustrated that exclusive breastfeeding wasn't an option and for no apparent reason.  The doctor also suggested I pump in lieu of a nursing session to see how much milk I could get.  This would give us an idea of how much you were eating.  So that I did and got 3.5 ounces!  Again, encouraging, but frustrating at the same time because that's what you should be eating during each feeding at this age. 

I think the most frustrating part of all of this is that you never seem starved.  I still have to wake you to eat seven out of the nine times each day and you always seem content after each feeding.  So it's odd to me that you're not gaining weight.  Especially when I'm getting 3.5 ounces of milk.  I guess no one said having a baby was easy--isn't that the truth?!  I suppose it's only fair that since my labor and deliveries have gone so smoothly, something would be a challenge! :)

Anyway, your cold has improved drastically and hopefully your weight is upward bound.  We go back on Tuesday for yet another weight check.  I'm feeling much better today, as well.  Perhaps it's because the sun is out and it feels like spring once again?  Or maybe it's the six solid hours of sleep I got last night?  Daddy took over your last two feedings with my pumped milk and I slept from 8pm until 2am.  That was a relief, for sure!

Mommy Update - I had a hard time this week feeling like I was missing out on life with Brantley.  Though I'm appreciative he's still going to daycare during the day, I also feel like I'm so focused on feeding you that I don't get to spend any quality time with Brantley.  I kept him home today and am enjoying the QT with both of my boys!

Food - Still trying to follow somewhat of a schedule, though I'm not anal about sticking to it.  Yesterday, for instance I think you ate ten or eleven times.  If you seem hungry, I feed you.  Otherwise, I wake you and feed you at 2am, 6am, 9am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm, 7:30pm, and 10pm.  Supplementing with 1 to 2 ounces in a bottle after each feeding (pumped breast milk so far, though the formula is here if needed).  You're doing great with the bottle and seem to have no issues with nipple confusion.

Sleep - You still sleep the majority of each day and sleep pretty soundly overnight until I wake you at 2am (and again at 6am).  I hope this continues!  At one month, we can stop waking you to eat overnight...let's just hope you're not in the habit by that point!

Size - 6 pounds 15 ounces.  Still in newborn clothes and newborn size diapers.

Activity - You like being held and patted on the back, swinging, car/stroller rides, and sucking on your paci.  However, you're also more than content laying in your rock & play sleeper and looking around at your surroundings.

Despite the rougher second week of life, I'm still loving every second of every day.  (Well, almost.) :)  When I got pregnant this time, I wondered how it was possible to love a baby #2 as much as the first, but now I know.  Words can't even describe the love I have for both of my two boys! <3

Lots of love, Little Man!