Monday morning was rough. And then I was okay for a few days. And then Friday came and so did the tears once again. Call it stress, lack of sleep, and just plain realization that it's going to be like this for nine long months, but it was the worst day so far I've cried in front of far too many co-workers, but I just don't care. All of the other mom-teachers (which, there are a lot of them in my field) have been great, supportive, and very understanding.
At times, I feel ridiculous. After all, I've done this before. It should be easier the second time. But for some reason, it's not. Perhaps it's because this is the beginning of the year and there is just so much to do. With Brantley, I walked in a quarter in. The beginning-of-the-year stuff was already done, classes were established, and my kids were more than thrilled to finally meet me (after a not-so-stellar long-term sub). This time, I have to prepare to teach, but I also have to do all the management type of things that come with the beginning of the school year. Pair that with two brand spankin' new courses (none of which I, or anyone at MV, have taught before) a new webpage format, and the fact that I just miss the little guy's smile, it's a lot to handle. I'm not yet ready for kids, but I'm also not about to spend my precious weekend hours at school. Luckily, I have until Tuesday before my kiddos start (freshman are Monday, upperclassmen are Tuesday) and Thursday until I truly begin to teach.
For now, I'm going to focus on the weekend. Craig and Brantley are in Wichita, and though I miss the two of them, the 36 hours of alone time with Holden are/have been fabulous. Today will be a couch napping, blog posting, People magazine reading, Bachelor in Paradise watching, coffee drinking, and baby snuggling kind of day. Just what I need, quite honestly. I'm not sure I've ever looked forward to a weekend quite like this first week back to work as a mom of two. I'm going to cherish every moment, even the fussy-baby ones, because I know Monday morning is coming too soon.
Girl, I feel ya. I start in a week and I am dreaaaaading it. Like even more than before?! I thought it would get easier too!!! Snuggle those sweet babes & good luck!!
ReplyDeleteOh lady - I'm so sorry!!! I feel your pain (as from my blog post last Friday that you commented on!!) - but hang in there. The realization that we dont' get to spend all day with the sweet babies is hard - I feel like they are still to little to be away. But as we both know, it will eventually get to be a new "normal" and we'll treasure our weekends! Those kiddos at MV are lucky to have you!
ReplyDelete