Here We Go Again...

Dear Holden,

Well, here we are.  My final day with you solo.  Tomorrow is my last day of summer, and on Monday I, yet again, return to the real world as a working mom (of two!).  The end of summer is always hard, but this is like the end of summer plus maternity leave all bottled up in one.  Which makes it extra bittersweet.  I'm sure there will be tears.  Scratch that, there already are...just from typing that last sentence.  But you know what, I've done this once and I can do it again.  Besides, it will be nice to get back into a daily routine. To feel like I'm contributing to the world outside of our home.  And I know you will love Miss Stephanie's!  She will love you like her own, and your daycare friends are so excited for you to start!  In fact, every time we go to pick up Brantley, they swarm you and argue about who gets the "front and center" position. :)  I have no doubt that Brantley will enjoy having you at his side each day, and I'm so excited that you get to spend all your days with that amazing big brother of yours.  Lots of daycare fun in your future, I promise!

Like with Brantley, I don't feel guilty about returning to work.  It's what I feel I'm meant to do.  I work so that we can enjoy life's little pleasures and so that I don't feel guilty when I pick up a new outfit for you (or me...) or an iced latte, or even better, when we splurge on a family vacation.  I still echo my thoughts from two years ago - I don't want to be a SAHM (stay at home mom).  I'd go crazy, I'm sure of it!  Now, part time?  That'd be beyond ideal.  But that's pretty non-existent in the teaching world these days. 

I'm nervous to see how our mornings play out.  Trying to get two kids ready and be out the door by 7am seems a little daunting, but I have no doubt that we'll make it work in one way or another.  I'm also nervous about my job.  For the first time in eight years, I have all new preps.  Two new classes.  Two classes that I've never taught.  With a new textbook.  And a style of teaching that I'm not super comfortable with.  I'm very thankful that Daddy is doing drop off and pick up this year, so I can use my time after school to focus on work and not rush out the door to see you.  It's going to be an interesting year, that's for sure, but we'll settle into our new "normal" soon enough.

I have loved these last 3 1/2 months with you so, so very much, and am sad to see them come to an end.  You have been the most perfect baby and have made the adjustment from one kid to two as easy as could be.  I'm going to miss you incredibly, but look forward to see what our new normal brings!

Love you, Holden Beckett!

Your mom

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